Confession Part 3
by the 4w5 neko
Summary: Kaoru has a deep, dark secret she feels compelled to share with Kenshin. It turns out he can relate.


Confession (Part 3)

Note: this fan fic is written about characters who belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki, not me. It is based off the manga (particularly the Viz version). I know little of Japanese culture, history or the language. This is just a little something I wrote that takes place between Sanosuke going on the run, and the last act. (I'm not sure what to rate this, I guess it's pretty adult. M-rated, maybe?) My first fan fic. Warning: sexual abuse in this fan fic.

What it's about: Kaoru and Kenshin share tortured secrets from their pasts.

1879, Tokyo

Of course, 18-year-old Kamiya Kaoru had been in denial about her feelings for the hitokiri-turned-rurouni, Himura Kenshin. Sanosuke had embarassed her, telling her to make kids with Kenshin; she'd responded angrily, hiding her secret desire to do just that.

And, naturally, she had told Yahiko she did not want to see Kenshin naked…even when she kind of did. That conversation had been more than a year ago now.

Kaoru had never felt this way before about someone, the way she loved Kenshin. Her affection for him had actually developed early on, but she'd had a hard time expressing it right. She believed she understood why this was.

Kaoru had had a crush or two on attractive young men. And plenty of young guys had been interested in her. But nothing serious had ever developed. Kaoru had tried to keep herself distant.

Kaoru was technically a virgin, but she had had an experience that she believed was still affecting her in a negative way in her attitude towards men. She was full of anger and embarassment when she remembered Uncle Haru.

As a child, Kaoru had been close to her mother's brother, her uncle Haru. He had not approved fully of her training, but had always brought her gifts and called her his pretty "Kaoru-chan." Haru was married and had two sons. It seemed he loved Kaoru like the daughter he didn't have.

One winter day when Kaoru was nine, she went to visit Uncle Haru by herself. Kaoru's liberal dad, Kamiya Koshijiro, had given her permission. Uncle Haru lived across town, in another section of Tokyo.

Haru's wife and sons were off visiting his wife's relatives. As was common, Haru and Kaoru bathed together, naked.

Kaoru was so young and naïve, of course she didn't view this as odd.

Haru had sake on his breath that day, which was a little unusual. It was a cold day, though the sky was clear.

"Come sit by me, kawaii Kaoru-chan," Haru said invitingly, patting a spot next to him.

Kaoru scooted over and didn't think much of it when Haru put an arm around her shoulder. He often did.

Then he started saying strange things. "Kaoru-chan, you will be a great beauty when you're older, a favorite with boys." He smiled at her, but there was something in his expression that Kaoru didn't like.

"Thank you," she said uneasily.

Then Haru's hand started drifting down her body. Her chest was still pretty flat. "Boys will want to do things like this to you," Haru said.

Kaoru almost jumped when Haru's hand moved lower. He began to finger her intimately, making her embarassed and confused. Why was he doing this? She squirmed.

"Please stop," she whispered, terrified someone would see this, as well as a little scared.

"Girls like it when boys do this," Haru said, his words a little slurry.

Kaoru scooted away, knowing there was something wrong about this.

Kaoru didn't quite have the nerve to tell her parents what had happened. She felt too ashamed. Was it because she was kawaii that this had happened?  
Kaoru began to make up excuses not to visit Haru alone. She also decided she didn't want to be a demure little girl. She didn't care if she couldn't cook well. She wanted to be talented at fencing, not providing meals.

Kamiya Koshijiro was a very modern man. Because Kaoru had no brothers, he decided to teach her the art of Kamiya Kasshin-ryuu. Koshijiro had fought in war but was a complete idealist. He taught Kaoru that swords were for protecting people, not killing them. Kaoru idolized her dad, so she picked up his idealism.

Koshijiro's teaching of Kaoru ended abruptly when Kaoru was 16. Koshijiro went to war and didn't come back. Kaoru's mother had already passed away a few years past, as had Uncle Haru. Kaoru was left alone but for her fickle students.

Kaoru wished she could be more independent, but she decided to trust Hiruma Hihei. Hihei didn't flirt with her.

Kaoru was not sure at first how she felt about the rurouni, Kenshin, who had revealed for her the truth about the Hiruma brothers. She didn't want to be alone anymore, so she had asked for him to stay. She was surprised at how domestic Kenshin was. She liked him that way.

Kaoru liked when Kenshin was easygoing and mellow; she wasn't fond of the Battousai still inside him. But she fell hard anyway.

At first, she didn't how to show Kenshin how she felt. Her temper often got the better of her, especially when he yanked her by her hair. Of course, there were also times when he didn't deserve her rage.

Kaoru was surprised at how devastated she became after Kenshin left for Kyoto a few months after they'd met. Kaoru wasn't usually the mopy type, but she felt so depressed, fearful she'd never see Kenshin again.

Kaoru confronted her feelings while in this slump. She was in love with Kenshin, no doubt about it. He was her hero, so brave yet so humble. She actually began having fantasies about him, something she never imagined she'd do after Uncle Haru's perverted interest in her.

After they all got back from Kyoto, Kaoru began to sense that Kenshin wasn't going to leave her, her greatest fear. She felt more comfortable around him. She rarely lost her temper with him anymore.

Kaoru had somehow survived Kenshin's story of Tomoe, the first wife he'd had who had died by his sword. Kaoru didn't believe she could die like Tomoe; it would make Kenshin unhappy and he would blame himself.

The experience of being kidnapped by Enishi was surreal. She knew he was more powerful than she was, yet, strangely, she hadn't been afraid of him having a sexual interest in her. Enishi didn't seem to even have a sexual side to him.

Kaoru was so relieved that Kenshin survived that ordeal on the island; fighting Enishi _and_ being shot by Woo Heishin.

But what now? Sano was gone, Megumi was gone, Yahiko had taken up residence in Sano's old quarters.

Though Yahiko wanted to continue his training, and also try his hand at teaching, he was no longer "in the way" at the dojo.

Were things lonely now? They sure didn't have to be.

Yahiko had just moved out a few days past, when Kenshin and Kaoru were eating dinner together at the dojo, just the two of them. They were sitting outside.

Kenshin had prepared rice and fish. "How is it, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin asked as they ate.

"Good," Kaoru said, smiling. "It's a beautiful evening, isn't it?"

The stars were beginning to appear as the sun set.

"Kaoru, do you want to get married?" Kenshin asked, as if out of the blue.

Kaoru was surprised by this suddeness until she remembered what Megumi had told her before leaving, about Kenshin exiling himself to the Rakuninmura, his sword in chains.

"So remember how much he loves you," Megumi had said.

Kaoru had been shocked. The outcast village? Kenshin? He had been that devastated by her supposed death.

"Why didn't Kenshin tell me this?" Kaoru had asked.

"I'm sure Ken-san didn't want to worry or upset you," Megumi had said, right as usual.

Kaoru's mind returned to the present. "Of course I want to marry you!" she exclaimed. Her voice turned softer. "I love you, Kenshin." She shivered as she spoke those words.

Kenshin was speechless for a second, then, to Kaoru's joy, he said: "And I love you, Kaoru."

As Japan was becoming more and more Westernized, kissing was becoming a common way of expressing love. Kaoru moved her dish aside and threw her arms around Kenshin, kissing him on the lips.

Kenshin kissed her back, softly. His kiss was a little awkward.

"Kenshin, you're going to have to get used to things like this," Kaoru chided him.

Kenshin smiled and nodded.

Kaoru pulled away from Kenshin, suddenly afraid. What if Kenshin wanted to take her then and there? She wasn't ready.

There was a brief silence. "What are you thinking, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin finally asked.

Kaoru felt a lump in her throat. She wanted to give herself to Kenshin, but suddenly she remembered her uncle and his wandering hand. How would it feel to have Kenshin's hand there?

Kaoru decided she loved and trusted Kenshin enough to tell him her secret.

The stars had come out. She sighed and began to gather up their dishes and cups. They were done with their meal. "Kenshin, there's something I need to tell you," she said.

After clearing things up, Kaoru lit a lantern so that she could see Kenshin better in the moonlight.

"I want to tell you something that happened," Kaoru spoke quickly, determined to get through this in a hurry. "When I was nine, my uncle… he touched me." She didn't know how to continue.

The strangest look appeared on Kenshin's face. "He touched you? What do you mean?" he asked. He looked very concerned. Typical Kenshin, feeling for her.

"You know, he touched me…intimately." Kaoru's heart was pounding now. "We were taking a bath together. It only happened once, but I've never told anyone before…I just thought you should know… Oh, maybe I shouldn't have!" The look on Kenshin's face was very serious.

There was a long silence. Kenshin looked torn.

"Kenshin, what are _you_ thinking?" Kaoru finally said, her temper rising just a little.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin finally said in a constrained voice. Was he upset?

Kaoru sighed. "Kenshin, I'm sorry. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Kenshin said, with an obviously forced cheerful tone of voice. "It's late." He began to stand.

"Wait!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"Oh, right. I'll do the dishes," Kenshin said in that same peculiar voice.

"Kenshin, why are you acting like this?" Kaoru asked scoldingly. "Should I have kept my big mouth shut?" She bit her lip and looked at her hands in her lap.

Kenshin sat back down. "Kaoru-dono, I think it's only fair to let _you_ know something, de gozaru. I understand how you feel."

Kenshin always put everyone's problems on his own shoulders. "What do you mean exactly?" Kaoru asked, reaching for his hands.

Kenshin reluctantly let her take his hands. What was going on with him? Then intuition kicked in. Kenshin understood? Did that mean…? But Kaoru knew everything about Kenshin. He had come from a poor but kindly family; after they had died, he had begun training in Hiten Mitsurugi-ryuu with Hiko Seijurou. Was she missing something?

"Tell me exactly what you mean, Kenshin."

Kenshin, frowning, said: "There's something I've never told anyone, not even Tomoe. After my parents died, slavers came to the town where we lived. They bought me and owned me for a while…They did things to me…"

Kaoru was horrified. "Did they…?"

Kenshin seemed to know what she meant. "Well, they wanted to sell me, so they couldn't do everything they probably wanted to."

Kenshin looked very sad, almost as upset as he had been when Enishi had first shown up in Tokyo, reminding him of Tomoe.

Kaoru was ready to cry. She and Kenshin had a little more in common than she'd thought. She shuddered at the thought of what must have happened to her Kenshin.

She felt overwhelmed.

"Don't cry," Kenshin said. "I'm all right. It's just a distant memory."

Kaoru couldn't stop her tears from falling. She put her arms around him again, and leaned her head on his shoulder. He tentatively embraced her.

"Is everything else you told us true?" She had to know. Did he leave out more?

"Everything else is true, de gozaru."

Kaoru could not blame Kenshin for keeping that secret.

The light from the lantern went out. Kenshin gently released Kaoru.

"Kenshin… I'm not ready for, you know. But can you please just hold me?"

In the darkness, Kenshin and Kaoru held each other.

Kaoru awoke the next morning on her futon, blankets covering her. Of course Kenshin hadn't taken advantage of her. She was still in her kimono.

Kaoru sat up, rubbing her eyes. Everything that had been confessed the last night hit her hard. She decided to put on a brave face and _not_ get down. She needed to be strong.

Kaoru stood, smoothed her kimono. She found Kenshin making breakfast.

"Good morning, Kenshin," she said, smiling at him.

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono," he replied, his smile a bit uneasy.

"Kenshin, don't worry about last night," Kaoru said in what she hoped was a bright voice.

Behind Kaoru a youthful voice said: "What happened last night?"

Kaoru accidentally elbowed Kenshin as she turned to face Yahiko.

"Oro?" Kenshin said as he also turned around.

Kaoru almost laughed.

"Did I interrupt something important?" Yahiko asked.

"No," Kaoru said, irritated. "It's _not_ what you think."

At least life seemed back to normal. Kaoru sighed and smiled briefly.

"So I can stay for breakfast?" Yahiko asked, already sitting down.

"Of course," Kenshin said.

Kaoru decided it was okay. Having Yahiko around promoted normalcy in her mind.

"Why do I even bother?" Yahiko asked as he made a face while eating.

"I didn't cook that!" Kaoru said.

"Then you're both in trouble," Yahiko said.

Kaoru restrained herself from walloping Yahiko. "I guess we are, Yahiko. Kenshin asked me to marry him last night."

"Wow, about time," Yahiko said, smiling. "Did you go down on one knee, Kenshin?"

"No. Isn't that a Western custom?" Kenshin asked.

Kaoru glanced at Kenshin. He was eating, looked normal…except for his eyes.

"Kenshin, I think we should combine modern customs with old-fashioned ones, you know, for the wedding," Kaoru said, glad to speak of something joyful.

Kenshin nodded agreement.

After breakfast, Yahiko insisted that he and Kaoru work on Kamiya Kasshin-ryuu. Yahiko had managed to recruit two new students.

Kaoru went to her room and changed from her kimono to more appropriate attire.

Kaoru was taking Yahiko more seriously since the battles he had survived against Otowa Hyoko, Kujiranami and Genbu. She was glad to let him help her teach.

Kaoru and Yahiko were busy with the new students. So busy, Kaoru didn't notice that Kenshin disappeared after an hour.

"Yahiko, Kenshin's gone!" Kaoru exclaimed. "I'm going to find him."

Yahiko agreed and continued the lesson without her.

Kaoru wasn't afraid he had left; they were going to marry! And she knew where he probably was. He probably needed to blow off steam in that bamboo field.

Kaoru made her way to the field. Kenshin was not training. He was just sitting on a stump, looking pensive.

Kaoru didn't care whether or not he wanted her company at that moment. She sat down next to him on the stump. "What are you thinking, Kenshin?" she asked.

"It's just strange, thinking about those days," Kenshin said. "My childhood is almost a blur. And learning your…secret as well. I am sorry that happened to you, Kaoru."

"Oh, it only happened once. I… I doubt it was as bad as your…"

"Don't," Kenshin said. "Just don't."

Kaoru swallowed uncomfortably. "In a way, this makes me feel even closer to you, Kenshin," she ventured carefully. "Do you feel…the same?"

"Hmm," Kenshin said, trying to smile.

Kaoru had more to say. "I hated my uncle for years," she admitted. "If not for my dad, I might have hated all men. But as the years go by, it's getting easier to forgive."

"I don't believe in holding grudges," Kenshin said.

"Obviously! You always forgive everyone, Kenshin," Kaoru said fondly. "And… I guess I feel a little honored that you told me. You know. You didn't even tell Tomoe-san. What about Hiko-san?"  
"No, but he probably knew," Kenshin said. "I had nightmares and… But Kaoru, isn't it better to think about the present than the past? And the future: our wedding."

"Yes, and we're both very strong people," Kaoru said. "We'll be fine."

Kenshin smiled and nodded. "Let's go home."


End file.
